Hi, I'm Chelsea Connell. I have Autism Spectrum Disorder. A 1/1mil diagnosis.

Actual Medical Autism: A Matter of Survival

My medical picture presents as Actual Medical Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and aligns perfectly with the ICD-11 criteria. This diagnosis is not a mismatch; it is the accurate definition of my reality because the underlying medical situations—Gelastic Epilepsy, N1 (Narcolepsy Type 1), and Tourette’s Syndrome—are not medicatable. Because my body (specifically the hypothalamus) physically rejects medication by triggering life-threatening systemic swelling and metabolic failure, I cannot treat these conditions chemically. Consequently, I must enforce the rigid behavioral structure of ASD to survive. This aligns strictly with Leo Kanner’s original diagnosis, where the "insistence on sameness" is not a preference, but a biological imperative required to manage an untreated system.

I live on Manual Life Support. For most people, the brain automatically regulates arousal and filters sensory input, much like the body automatically breathes. In my case, that automatic regulation is offline. My rigidity is the manual effort I must exert every second to stabilize a system prone to seizures, cataplexy (collapse), and tic storms upon exposure to stimulation. I cannot simply "relax" or "go with the flow" any more than a person on a manual respirator can stop pumping air to have a casual conversation. My boundaries are not a refusal to engage; they are the manual rhythm that keeps me alive.

Defining Love: Survival and Sacrifice

In this context, love is not a passive feeling or a chaotic embrace of "quirks." It is a disciplined, manual labor divided into two distinct mandates:

1. Love for Myself (Healthy Narcissism): I put myself first, a practice validated by developmental psychology as "normal primary autism," the fundamental state required for existence. This is Healthy Narcissism: the biological necessity of securing my own oxygen mask first. I strictly enforce my "Manual Life Support" protocols—stopping stimulation and refusing ambiguity—because it is the only way to prevent my hypothalamus from triggering a systemic collapse. I love myself enough to do the hard, manual work of staying alive.

2. Love for Others (Self-Sacrifice): My love for those around me is the direct result of that self-discipline. It is defined by Self-Sacrifice, not the unhealthy dependence often popularized in online narratives where adults rely on partners to regulate them. I sacrifice the ease of a "normal" life to build a stable, predictable system so that my family never has to witness the trauma of my medical collapse. Unlike the secondary narcissism of a personality disorder—where one withdraws to escape the world—my rigidity is the shield that keeps me safe, so I can be safe for them.